


Through the woods and back

by RaijinNoHana



Series: A tale of exile and return [1]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Ambiguous Slash, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Laxus is a Softie, M/M, Monologue, Nightmares, Separation, Songfic, angsty angst, but he doesn't know, kid!Freed, kid!Laxus, recollection of past memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 00:41:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17478038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaijinNoHana/pseuds/RaijinNoHana
Summary: Random thoughts of an exiled Laxus who just can't manage to get some sleep - all seasoned with a touch of angsty angst. Sorry.When these dreams come up, I always end up screaming, stripes of sweat cooling on my skin as I fully wake up. The nightmare dissolves, but the feeling remains pounding within my chest, the deafening roar of blood pulsing in my ears. I don't think it's the thought of dying that makes me feel this way, nor is the crushing sense of fear I can feel as I fall; through all this maddening mess, the one and only thing which shocks me to tears is his absence.





	Through the woods and back

**Author's Note:**

> (Fact: I wrote this at 2 am while high on green tea and too much chocolate, so I'm pretty sure the story took control of itself at some point!)

I had to go.

There was nothing to discuss; the decision wasn't ours to make.  
Still, I can't stop thinking about the face he pulled when I left; that haughty pout reminded me of when we were young, two rascals running up and down through the alleys of Magnolia, hiding ourselves from the wrath of Gramps after we ended a quest by tearing down half a city with our magic. Yeah, Gramps...the thought alone would be enough to rip me open, but somehow my mind mercilessly keeps on swinging back to Freed.

The air is so cold tonight. I know I shouldn't be sleeping outside, but it seems that the woods are the only place where I manage to get some sleep. Here I'm able to recall some good memories, shifting the hurt I saw on those fair features with the shy smile of the child he was, wondering if I'll ever be a man good enough to wipe away from him the reminders of this last battle.

Sometimes I dream of him: I'm fighting like a bear against hundreds and hundreds of mages, but sooner or later someone always manages to hit me; at that point I begin to fall, calling out until his name is the only thing I remember, sure he will come to me at last – he pledged to me, he swore to be at my side forever, didn't he? – but he never does.

Sometimes he appears between our – well, I guess now I should say _his_ – guild mates, applauding my spectacular fall as the earth withdraws around me, and then I fall, I fall, I fall far beyond his reach, so far that the woods of our childhood seems to come from another world, another life. Most of the time, though, he doesn't even show up. I guess he prefers to hide behind the crowd, concealing himself within the burst of laugher and the scornful cries which surround me as I rush towards the centre of the earth.

When these dreams come up, I always end up screaming, stripes of sweat cooling on my skin as I fully wake up. The nightmare dissolves, but the feeling remains pounding within my chest, the deafening roar of blood pulsing in my ears. I don't think it's the thought of dying that makes me feel this way, nor is the crushing sense of fear I can feel as I fall; through all this maddening mess, the one and only thing which shocks me to tears is his absence.

No matter how many times I reconsider it, the fact is plain and simple: he isn't there, and although I was the one convincing him to stay, the unbearable sense of loss grows stronger in my heart, and that's where he belongs. I suspect he knew far before me.

When we were reckless kids – well, I guess one could say that we _still_ are – everything just felt different somehow. God, I was so angry...after my father was banished, I used to spend most of my days in the woods, striking thunders on everything within arm's reach. The only one who seemed to challenge my wrath was Freed. I still don't know how in hell did he manage to sneak out of the woods with all his books and notes without getting hit, but it seemed to happen a lot.

I recall standing in a glade through the trees, striking bolts all over the place, panting and sweating and channeling every particle of my magic until everything around me was reduced to burning woods and smoking ashes. Still, every time I turned my back I found him there, safe and unharmed behind me; he spent most of the time furiosly writing down his runes and symbols and shit on small pieces of parchment. Heck, I used to find those damn notes everywhere...he was such a messy kid, always losing things and stumbling on his own feet. So far from the serious, collected rule-lover he became later on.

His appearance in the woods always came to me with a curious sense of stillness; suddenly, I lost any interest in wrecking and striking and tearing apart, and I usually ended up sitting beside him, peeking at those weird signs in deferential silence, trying hard to decode that arcane language of his. Those are some of the most peaceful memories of my entire life; to think I may have lost their co-protagonist is an intolerable thought.

If I half-close my eyes, I can still see us sitting under a tree – most of the time the only one spared from my fury – in silent appreciation of our mutual closeness, so far from the awkwardness of our last encounter. When the atonement's last and done, I tell myself, I will tell him everything. No matter what, I will be worthy of these feelings.

Then I shut down my eyes, inhaling deep the breeze which smells of old books and rainbow cherry blossoms, and I get ready to be back. I just hope I'm not outta time.

**Author's Note:**

> Whoa.
> 
> So many firsts: first time on this archive, first time in this fandom, first fic in English (which unfortunately doesn't happen to be my first language!)
> 
> Hope you liked it; please let me know in the comments!  
> See ya!


End file.
